you’ll recognize me
because i’ll be
the fattest person in the room.

my fatness is
a secret we keep between us
but the first bullet in the gun in any fight

this hanging apron and double chin
this heavy flesh you see
these things aren’t bad.

it’s the being told looks aren’t everything,
it’s the insults from a moving car,
and growing out my beard to hide my face,

being looked at for cues or disapproval
when someone says the word “fat”
in my presence

it’s a million micro and macro aggressions
it’s the constant search for approval
beyond my fatness

it’s the mean-spirited, belittling, caustic, and betraying words
indirect and flippant
said by strangers or family or friends

or worse yet
said
by me.

I heard of a man who didn’t eat for 1 year and 17 days
you could, you know,
do that.

you could go for walks, we could go together
have you tried
just moving more

have you tried shakes or juicing or smoking
or cutting out ninety-five percent
of the things that you enjoy

these harmless well-intentioned questions,
they all ask the same thing:
have you really tried?

i have.
i’ve done them.
i have done them all.

for my health, for my self-esteem,
to live longer for my kids,
for love, for money, for sex.

i have done the things
that no one else has to do
and i have decided

that they
are not
for me.

so instead I gave myself a gift
i tuned out
and I let go.

i embraced the parts of me worth loving
and found others who loves those parts in themselves
and we got together and took a vote.

we ended the obesity epidemic
it took hardly any effort
since it wasn’t real to begin with.

gym class is now free play
and food is just food
with no inherent worth.

and we no longer think of a world
with more fat people in it
as a bad thing.

this new world is better than the old one.
because size is just size
and nothing more.

and it’s in this world you can find me,
sleek and resplendent,
and dressed to the nines,

leading parades and declining dances,
clean-shaven and picturesque,
as my twinkling eye holds your gaze, unwavering.

you’ll recognize me
because i’ll be
the fattest person in the room.